In my book “RELENTLESS” I talk about a time in my life when I went off the rails a little…
Piggy backing off that party life period, this little tablet came into my life…
The first time, I tried a quarter of a full tablet, that night I had the most amazing sleep.
I hadn’t slept like that, since before my accident!
Since my accident I have struggled with sleeping, at most in one night, I’d normally get a solid 2 hours sleep before I’d wake up, have to go to the toilet or re adjust my body or the pain I go through would not let me go to sleep… After trying this tablet I thought to myself, wow, such a little pill gave me relief I haven’t had in over 10 years – my muscles relaxed at night, I woke up feeling energised. The pills were over the counter, so I rationalised they mustn’t be too bad, especially because I’ve had a small amount. Next thing I knew, I was having them every night, pop a pill, woke up 6-8 hours later, feeling fresh, relaxed, feeling motivated… Over a four month period, without really thinking about it, I was now doubling to tripling the amount I’d take, as I had become immune to the dosage…. Roughly 6 months later I started getting headaches, I was getting dizzy easily, and didn’t know why..? I wasn’t drinking anymore, wasn’t taking recreational drugs, I was eating healthy and training 2 times a day, why is this happening …??? I had no clue I was “addicted to Xanax”.. I don’t have an addictive personality, but for the first time in my life, my body was addicted to something… The scary part was, it was literally killing me and I had no clue.. One night I was at a mate’s house, I was having some bladder problems and was worried I’d piss the bed, so I didn’t take a Xanax, the next morning I felt shit house, my mind was jolting, I knew something was going terribly wrong..
Mum drove down to pick me up, when she got to my mate’s house I was really bad, no sooner that she had arrived it all fell apart, with no warning I had a seizure in my mates kitchen. Luckily mum and my mate caught me as I flipped off the back of the bar stool; I woke up 10 mins later on the ground with 2 paramedics around me. I was taken to hospital but they had no answer to what happened.. Later we realised I was so addicted to this drug – it was like a drug addict on illegal drugs going cold turkey and having major withdraws.. It took me a further 6 months to get off the tablets for a few consecutive days…While I was in America I had therapy with a cranial therapist who with a lot of work on me, healed me back to good mental health. That was nearly two years ago now.. I’m not here to make excuses, but having an injury like this is beyond cruel.
For me personally, night time is something I dread, it’s when the pain kicks in and my mind goes into over drive. I still use Xanax now and then but never ever do I use a dangerous amount like I did, unfortunately no other sleeping tablet works for me, the meditation I was prescribed initially doesn’t work anymore. Xanax relaxes my muscles and mind but I’m strong enough to know when Enough’s enough. I’ll go months without using them but sometimes my body just needs a break from the pain and spasms! My goal is to not use them at all anymore..
As a community we think because they’re over the counter they’re safe, well clearly they’re not, especially if you let the drug take over your life.
Not understanding this, I didn’t know I had a problem til I nearly died from it.
I’ve learned from my mistakes, I’m not perfect BUT I’m still learning!
Three years ago, I couldn’t go to bed with a Xanax bottle next to me and not take one.
Now to prove I am strong enough, I leave the bottle in sight, next to me, I figure if I could go to bed with them right in front of me and sleep then my addiction was no longer there.
Please friends be careful of anything that takes over your own control…….
JW